The Art of Surrender

What am I doing?

2008-09-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

I've been challenged by 2 things lately. I've been hearing these questions running through my head over and over as I try to avoid having to answer to the prompting in my spirit.

1. Am I doing ALL that I can to further the Kingdom where I am RIGHT NOW by serving and loving?

At the end of the day I think, what excuses did I come up with today to escape from having to do a difficult job?
I can't speak the language. God's speaks their language and has the power to use me even though I can't communicate in the natural; that's a bad excuse.
It's too hot and it makes me tired. Well, too bad. 65 million other people have lived their whole lives in this heat and they are hard workers. Not a good excuse of being lazy when other people are dying without hearing about Jesus.
I miss home and would rather be there. I'll be home soon enough...that means only a little time left to make a difference RIGHT HERE.

Everyday there are opportunities if my eyes are open to see the needs. Sometimes I need to go seek out somewhere to give and not just wait for an opportunity to come to me. Every day that we walk with illegitimate excuses is another day of walking in selfishness, looking out for our own needs instead of people who are way more desperate than we are. Jesus gave up His whole life for this.

"even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

2. Am I loving people well WHEREVER I go? Is the love of Christ being shown through my life by the way that love people?

There are people that are hard to love. No matter where I go, there are those people. I can't escape it. But Jesus didn't choose to love certain people. Those people that hard to love are probably people who really need it. If I'm claiming to follow the life of Christ, trying to be more like Him, loving people like He did is such a huge part. It's not something that we can avoid in running after Christ.

"If I give away all that I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. "

Kop koon pra yesu pua siri. (?)

Thank you Jesus for grace.

The Little Differences

2008-09-25T01:05:00.000-07:00

It's been about 3 months since my first day in Thailand and it's been quite the learning experience trying to figure out this new culture of new things and ways. It was just yesterday that I realized that i'm finally learning to function more Thai style when I said something that I couldn't remember if we use in America or not. So I was hit by also by the fact when I return home in less than 3 months, I'm going to have to undo my new way of thinking and learn how to function American again. I thought I'd share a few of these things over the next couple weeks. Here are just a few of the many differences between Thai culture and American culture.

The WAI
Eachday when seeing someone for the first time (especially anyone older than you), it's your responsibility to WAI them. It's taken this long, but I think I'm finally remembering to do this along with the greeting
"Sawatdee Kha".
American's probably wouldn't appreciate this so much if I did this to them.

Toilets and Toilet Paper

I'm sorry if this is somewhat gross but it's just reality. Aside from the fact that we don't use the term "bathroom" or "restroom" here, only "toilet", there are a few more tricks to learn. Because of poor functioning sewer systems, all used toilet paper is to be thrown in "the bin" (trash can), not the toilet. In addition, most places you bring your own toilet paper because it's not supplied. Some toilets you also flush manually by pooring water into it.

Transportation

I will have not driven in over 6 months by the time I return. That alone will be a weird feeling. In Thailand the driving system is opposite so I'm now used to driving on the left side of the road and the driver being on the right side of the car. In my mind, it's actually hard to remember which side American's drive on because i'm mixed between the two.

Also, I'm used to having a taxi at my side with the wave of a hand, anytime, anyday.

Next time: movie theaters, shoes, straws and McDonald's delivery!

Beautiful People

2008-09-03T00:50:00.000-07:00

These adorable kids deserve a blog of their own...

I'm sorry!

2008-08-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for the long delay of writing!! It's been a busy month but a good one. Here is a short recap of some things that have been happening:

Ramkhamhaeng University weekly outreach. We hang and get to know the students in the common areas.

School Outreach. We got to teach English in a Muslim school to continue to build relationship with them.

Spontaneous teaching at Mae Sot church.
Cute Thai ladies!
The Wai

Cool buildings

Crazy adventures

..Arrival!!..

2008-06-29T02:21:00.000-07:00

Well I've been in the sweaty country for 3 days now! Up to this point I've just been settling, adjusting and observing. Tomorrow classes start, craziness beings and relationship building begins!! I've learned here that not being able to speak Thai does limit you quite a bit since English isn't so present. BUT, thankfully God transcends the nations and that He is the same God here in this place as little Bend, Oregon.

Now is the intensity of Bangkok - we take taxis mostly for transportation. I just feel I need to share my 2nd taxi experience. Let me warn you: problems come when the driver doesn't understand where you are wanting to go. So we were on our way back to "The Center" which is my new home/school/church on Ramkahmhaeng Soi 30. No matter how many times told this wonderful man in Thai where we wanted to go, he just did not understand because of our accent. But you see..he did not tell us he didn't know. Instead he decides that he needs to grace us with singing. This dear man obviously didn't enjoy the radio. No. So let me tell you about this singing...picture humming/moaning/speaking/singing all in one, in Thai. I felt like I was living a very mbad American Idol audition in real life but he was taking this serviously. It wasn't consistent though...it came in bursts. I cannot tell you the effort it took to keep myself composed. But really it was useless. When my friend Cindi turned around to look at me, I lost it completely. I was laughing so hard I was crying. Poor, poor taxi man. I feel really bad but I honestly couldn't control myself. Now after the singing subsided, we find ourselves WAY far from home. Not at all where we were supposed to be. The amazing singing might have just been a distraction to take us away from where we actually wanted to go or he may really not have understood us. I will never know. We eventually got home but it took a bit longer than it should have.

So in addition to my taxi experience the adventures have begun. But in sitting backing and watching life here the past 3 days this is my first and very strong observation: this country of beautiful, smiley people need Jesus desperately. In this city of around 12 million people (and that is just big number to people until you are actually in the midst of the 12 million and it becomes incomprehendable), the Christian population is so little. I've heard different statistics but it's approx. 98% Buddhist and the rest is other. In the US where I'm so used to to going to a big city to find a big population of Christians, that's not the case here. Followers of Jesus are rare. It's not necessarily because they aren't being reached but it's the hardness of the hearts.

What's does it take to reach these people? Faithful, long term relationship building and more laborers.

I keep on being reminded of this verse today- "The harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers in to his harvest." Luke 10:2

So pray with me for the church of Thailand for increase in faithful followers and disciples of Jesus to be able to reach out the HUGE population of a hard people to reach.

..Last Moments..

2008-06-25T03:12:00.000-07:00

I sit here in the Seoul airport trying to figure what to do with myself before I get on to my last flight taking me to my new home, Bangkok, and thinking about all my last moments at home. I didn't really get many pictures, but the last few weeks have been saying lots of goodbyes to friends and family.

In about 20 mintues I will be off to a new place with new friends to meet and a new bed to sleep in. Scary but so exciting. Goodbye US (and Seoul)!

When I have more time, I will post about my fun vacation in Hawaii the past 2 weeks!

..San Jose..

2008-05-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

Family adventures are the best. Last week I got to visit family, some that I haven't seen in at least 4 years or so. Here's a glimpse of the craziness of basically 2 days...

My new favorite little girl...my cousins daughter with her mom Naialie

Ava and great grandma

Grandma and IGrandpa and 2 of his 6 kids - my dad and aunt

Beautiful sister Rachel and aunt Gail

3 of the 6 Estopare kids

The crazy gang

Gorgeous cousin Morgan- congrats!!

..Seattle..

2008-05-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

I had the privilege of spending the last 9 days in Seattle at the Foursquare Missions Training with the awesome FMI staff. It was a great time of teaching, connecting with other missionaries that are getting prepared to head out all over the world, make new friends and hearing from the Lord. Many, many hours of sitting in benches but so encouraging to hear the heart of the directors and leaders.

I can't tell you how much excitement I have from gathering a little bit more of the heart of God that I've grasped. His heart for people and His goodness is so incredible. The little bit that I'm starting to grab a hold of is so powerful. Without writing a whole book, I'll try to share a little bit from this week.

John 1:14 "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth."
Jesus became flesh and humbled himself and went to the people to be able to reach them. The Son of Man came to see and save. He sought out the people who needed Him. Jesus is the example of giving up our lives; humbling ourselves and going to find the people who need Him. Our job in to become incarnate to the land that God has called us to, wherever that is to share the love and freedom of Christ.

Here are a few thoughts from the training:

The diversity of the nations gives us the ability to hunger for something beyond ourselves. (J. Amstutz)
We are desiring disciples of all nations, not converts in all countries. (J. Amstutz). We want to see true followers of the Christ increase not just the decision numbers rise.
How do you know you have a peach tree? It makes peaches. How do you know you have a leader? It makes leaders. (J. Amstutz)
What would you dream big to do for the Lord if you knew you couldn't fail? (S. Donegan) Vision big and go after it.
I can't give away what I do not have. What is in my hand [life, heart] that I can give away? (S. Donegan)
Missionaries go to where the people are, they don't want for people to come to them. (G. Cline)
If you are called to be a missionary, don't stoop to be a king. (J. Loop) Whatever God has called you to is better than what may be seen as better in the flesh.

Now, my wonderful friend Jenna and I drove to Seattle together and you'd think that between the both of the and step by step mapquest directions, we could make it easily to our hotel. Of course not. We had to take the worse way possible ending up downtown Seattle during rush hour and right at Safeco field right as a Mariners game was about to start. Brilliant, right?

All48 of us trainees-can you spot me? :)

My amazing new friends Kathy, Krisnee and Jenna!

Me and Jenna

..Memories Part 2..

2008-04-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

I honestly tried to make some kind of order to the pictures
but it ended in frustration so I gave up. This is a little glimpse
of all over Uganda.

Model material? I think so. The amazing Ossanide Kids!

Another Kristen but Ugandan version!!
All should experience the "uniqueness" of Pleasure Restaurant. If you are ever in Kigumba...you must give a try! Mmmmm....

..Memories..

2008-04-21T21:34:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a little trip down memory lane to 2 of the most memorable trips in the past years. This is the first of 2 trips that continued to fan the flame of me branching out in missionary mode! Hope you enjoy this as much as I do!!

BARROW

And we are complaining about the snow in Bend...

The result of me being forced to do something I didn't think I wanted to do at the time.

Mmm... polar bear for dinner anyone??

Riding in style!

These are the awesome youth we got to hang out an encourage for week!

Barrow, AK-The Top of the World!

..Radiance...

2008-04-17T22:39:00.001-07:00

The other night I fell asleep at my parents house watching a movie because it's nearly impossible for me to watch a whole movie starting after 8pm and stay awake for the whole thing. (Don't know why...) After waking up and leaving quickly so I wouldn't fall asleep again, I started to drive home. Because I had just waken up, it was late at night and the lights of the city were on-I guess my eyes hadn't quite adjusted yet so everything around me seemed to shine bright with this very intricate brilliance. I think the mix of me not being fully awake, the quietness of the night and my eyes focusing on things that they never see during the day, I felt like I was in some kind of wonderland or something.

Just like when you are wearing the same contact prescription for a long time while your vision continues to get worse. When you finally get new contacts, it's like the world turns on. For some reason, everything actually seems more real than before.

All of these things and more have been mulling around in my head the past couple of days. God is this and more. He is the brilliant radiance that makes everything come to life more than ever before.

"Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth." Psalm 50:2

Life with Christ is like life with the right contact prescription.
Life with Christ is like driving at night and all the lights are shining way bright.

I know this is a funny example but lately this has amazed me. The intricate design that shines through creation is blowing me away. Through Christ, new eyes are put on!

..Adventure..

2008-04-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

...and a sense of excitement is my first reaction of the possibility of opportunity to do something a little crazy.

Adventure is a part of my life that I love.

As the option and nudging of the Lord started to step out and go somewhere somewhat unthinkable in my mind, that's all I could think about. I've been waiting for the day when I would be released to step out of life here to go serve God and the people of another country.

Doors opened and plans falling into place, my mind was stuck in a place of this being surreal. How can this all be coming together? How can a desire that's been with me since as long as I remember actually be coming to pass?

I didn't quite understand it all though. I never ever thought that I would visit this part of the world in my life. It wasn't on my to do list or dreams for my life. Why would I want to go to a place that I know not much about and hadn't given much thought to. The Word says:

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm37:4

Funny how the desire of my heart was not to go Thailand. I loved Africa and would go back in a heartbeat. I've always wanted to go to Europe and South America along with many other places around the world. My list was long but Asia was nowhere on that list. To be honest, it actually scared me.

So here I am thinking this can't be right. How can this be the leading of the Holy Spirit if I have absolutely no want to go.

The following verse after Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart says Commit you way to the Lord; trust in Him,and He will act.

It's easy to think that our own desire that we have for our life is the desire that God will make come to pass as long as we are seeking after Him. Oddly enough, the desires of our heart aren't only for us.

The splash of cold water in the face started and the waking up to reality of the world not being about me was starting to happen. Yes, I'm getting the lesson of letting go of pride and taking up heart of humility.

In the days and weeks following the initial spark of an adventure ahead, as I committed myself to the Lord and let go of all of my pre-determined plans for my upcoming path, I found that my desire was becoming for sharing the hope of Christ with the Thai. The incredibleness of God wiped away all that I had. No longer was it my desire to do what I wanted to do and go where I wanted to go but it became God cluing me in to His way and changing my heart to the same.

The desire that I once had has become one that He has place inside of me. There is no way I could have place this inside of myself.

He has done the exact opposite that I would have asked for but it's His plan and this process of learning how to surrender to the fullness that is in Christ is way better than sticking to my own deal. His desire that He has started to grow in me is so much better.

And this is the start of abandoning all of me and my plan for the cause of Christ in an adventure I almost can't believe is happening.